Here we Are
by Hallway Highway
Summary: Set after the last scenes of the winter finale.


The night was warm at the dimly lit camp, nothing but the embers of a dying camp fire, the sound of crickets, frogs and the distant howl of a wolf.

Emma felt relieved to be cosied up in a warm vest and leathers. It made her feel more normal, more at home in the foreign realm which had stolen her memories and turned her into a true hearted princess. Being here should have made her feel out of sorts, but in some strange way she felt able to breathe for the first time in a long while.

It was like a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Here she didn't have to be any of the things she was wanting others to see her as, here she didn't have to be anything that was expected of her apart from herself. There was no pain of knowing she would die and having to face the Queen or face an unknown enemy that left her waking in the middle of the night screaming, out of breath, sweating and shaking like she had seen some of the people in her early life do when they were coming down from a high and the memories came rushing back. She wished for a few seconds that she never had to go back, that this was where she could stay forever and pretend that it wasn't like when she left, that this was now her life, no responsibilities, no expectations, no one to let down, just a warrior in the woods looking for her next fight. Except it wasn't really like that.

Robin and his men were asleep in the tents nearby and having the memories of Henry all grown up in this realm was making her miss her Henry so much, almost enough to want to go home immediately. But they couldn't go home, they currently had no way to get home as the portal had closed.

Even though she knew Robin also wasn't real, just seeing him brought back guilt and made her think of home, spoiling the bliss she had momentarily felt as she regained her real memories and realised that her friend had come to save her once again. She has revelled for a second in that feeling of relief and pride, the thought that they might be able to overcome everything together, whether trapped in this realm or returning to their own. But then upon seeing Robin the guilt was so overwhelming she thought she might throw up. It clawed at her inside and made her feel sick to her stomach with anger. Why did he have to come and ruin everything? Why did he have to remind her of what she did, of the danger she put everyone in and that ways in which she failed everyone. Why did every single thing have to be so hard, why couldn't she ever get it right?

She sighed and pouted, poking a stick into the remains of the fire and standing. It was late and she would need her wits about her in the coming days. Her fake parents were dead, Henry believed her to be kidnapped no doubt and the Evil Queen he believed Regina to be wouldn't receive mercy, she could see it in his eyes, his love for his family so strong, even in this realm.

Emma moved slowly away from the tents, she hoped that the night air and getting a better view of the stars would calm her before she settled down and sleep took her. As she looked up she heard the distinct sound of someone else nearby.

Curious, she stepped quietly further away from the fire and away from the main camp until she came closer to the noise that had caught her attention. The stars providing just enough illumination to light her way and reveal the person making the noise.

"Regina?" she whispered.

Regina jolted and gasped quickly wiping at her eyes. Clearing her throat, she turned hoping the dim light would hide her emotion. "Emma," she rasped her voice not coming out as even as she would have liked.

"I didn't…are you…"

"I'm fine," she dismissed even though she knew it was anything but true. Being here and seeing Robin again had brought forward all the feelings she had been trying to supress, the aching hole she felt for Daniels departure from her life, the acceptance that she would never get the happy ending she so wanted and that everything was eventually ripped away from her resigning her to a fate of sacrifice and longing. Every moment of goodness in her life was always ripped away with a brutal blow, everything crashing down around her.

"You don't…" Emma trailed off tentatively not knowing how to break the awkward tension she always felt when speaking about emotions and when speaking to Regina. She tried again, "You don't seem fine." Silence, a beat, she thought no answer would come in return.

Regina turned her shoulders dropping in defeat. "I'm not. I suppose it all just caught up with me. Seeing Robin again. I thought…I thought for a moment… but it's not real and, he just looks so much like him but I know he is gone and this can't last." She paused looking anywhere but at Emma, "I am sorry Emma. I hesitated and wasted our way home. It was careless and thoughtless of me."

Emma's heart melted as she took a step closer, sadness written all over her face. "No, don't…" she went to reach out her hand and then let it drop to her side again. "It's not your fault. It's me who should apologise, when we got back from the Underworld, I never told you how sorry I was. It was my fault he died."

Regina sucked in air sharply her chest starting to heave again as fresh tears made their way down her face. "I don't blame you."

Regina collected her thoughts and continued.

"I'm just so tired of it all. I thought that if I could be free of it all, that I could keep everyone safe from that part of me. That I would be able to make amends, but she's out of control. I fought so hard every day to keep that darkness at bay, to hide that part of myself so that people would accept me. So that I could be better, but it's never going to be that way. I let her out and she's going to kill us all. She will unravel every single thing that's good and destroy the happiness of every single person whom I…whom I care for."

"Robin, he thought that he knew me, we pretended that we were happy for a time and I don't know maybe we were, but he never knew that part of me. How could he truly love me when he didn't even know me? When he didn't even see the true monster that I used to be, that she is." Regina shook her head with a shuddering breath, "I was so stupid to think that I could be happy."

Emma felt anger pool deep in her belly for those who had hurt Regina and made her feel like she couldn't be loved, like she was worthless. No one should be made to feel that way. She had been wrong to go along with Snows plan to separate them, she knew that now. The overwhelming darkness surged for a moment making her feel sick, angry at herself, angry at the world, angry that another person she cared about was being taken for a ride. It just wasn't right. They had to find a way to stop this and make things go back to the way they were.

"Would you want to? Like if you could go back, to him before, would you want to?" she tentatively asked thinking of her own predicament, so much had changed in the last few months it was like being on a ride at the carnival that wouldn't stop, it was overwhelming.

"Emma he's dead, I can't change that. I learnt that the hard way. It's not enough to want these things to change. We aren't capable of having what we want all the time. I wouldn't want him to be who he's not. The Robin from here, he's a distraction from what's going on and I want so badly to believe that he is real and that this is where I can stay but in the morning when we get up and face the daylight with all the people looking for us and our lives once again in danger I will remember that he isn't the Robin I knew. He can't ever be that person. One of us is going to die and I don't know how I will face that moment and let myself be okay with Henry being without his mother, but I know that you will look after him and let him bring wonderful things into the lives of the people that he chooses.

"You really think one of us will die?"

"Emma," she looked at her with sadness written on her face. "What you saw in your vision. I don't know if it is going to come true, but the Queen, she's very strong and there is a wealth of information inside of her that belongs to a person who really wanted to be something, someone who was good and kind and loving…" she paused and swallowed heavily, "but I can't be that person anymore. Not when it's going to see everything I have built be torn to the ground, everyone I cared about thrown around and their lives uprooted and destroyed. You're such a good person and I know you will treat Henry right and make sure that he knows how much we tried for him, tried to make things right. I know that you are scared but it's going to come down to her or me and we both know the only way to kill her is to take the life of the person that she originated from."

Emma contemplated what Regina had said.

"But what if it's not me that is going to be here? What if my vision is correct and you are going to be left here? I know we haven't talked about this much but I really feel it, like it is something which is occurring right now and I can't open my eyes and I can't make it stop and it's all this pressure building inside of me and I can't even breathe and I just want to make it stop, I just want to make it stop," she trailed off softly staring at her hands which echoed with the memories of her own impending death and the terrible shaking she had been experiencing.

Everything was silent for a beat and then Regina, did what she hadn't done in a long time. She willed herself to take a moment of courage and put it to good use. Her now bare fingers ghosted over Emma's, tentatively, light and unsure, wanting to slip from her hand and wanting to take it in equal measure. She drank in Emma's silhouette in the darkness as their fingers finally interlaced and became a solid tangible connection to something real and true in this crazy realm, in this time of uncertainty. Her thumb ran back and forth providing comfort until she suddenly found an arm thrown around her neck and a warm body pulling tight against hers.

She felt like she was being torn to pieces and thrown back together all at once. She had been holding everything in for weeks. If she was really honest with herself, it had been months, years really. Even when she had tried to make things work with Robin she never felt as if she could let go and be who she was fully. She never had opened herself up to anymore, not since she was so young, before everything took its toll and she saw the love of her life die right before her eyes.

It felt different here, lighter but more emotionally charged. Maybe that was the realm she pondered. Maybe it was the company and the flames of magic and terror ebbing away that allowed her to bare her feelings, to let go.

She squeezed Emma's hand and then let go bringing both her hands around Emma's frame, finally letting go of all that emotion that she had been holding in and revelling in their first ever hug.

"Emma, why don't you ever let me in?" she mused out loud.

Emma replied feeling braver than she ever had before. "Because it hurts," she pulled Regina in impossibly tight. "What about you? Why can't you ever let me know what you are thinking, back there, in the other realm? You take everything so seriously and let it all build up and you never let me share the burden, you never let me in. It hurts Regina. It hurts when you shut me out all the time."

Regina swallowed and it sounded so loud in the silence of the night. "Because I'm scared. You make me doubt that what I know is true. You are always reaching further. You are always telling me that things are possible for me. I know that you believe it to be true and I know you fight harder for me than anyone ever has, but you scare the living daylights out of me. All the people I love always get taken away, they never make it more than the first moment, long enough to mean something really special before they are gone. I don't want that for you and I don't know how to tell Henry that I let you go by loving you too much. I can't risk you. He would never forgive me."

It was different here, Emma felt different here. Without the pressures of those around her she could fully immerse herself in her own feelings and she didn't feel like she had to judge them. She didn't have to hold back so much. She knew this was part of the realm that was healing to her. Whatever the Queen had intended she had unknowingly brought lightness into Emma's heart and this was something she felt would stay with her for a long time to come. It was easy to speak being this close, under the veil of night with no distractions. It felt right. Something she hadn't experienced in a very long time.

So many years spent fretting over what was to be and what was to come. Always wanting to know what was next. Jumping at shadows; some of them from the past and some of them literal. She never felt as safe as she did right in this moment. She finally felt the emptiness leave and let herself be filled with a strength and warmth she hadn't felt in Storybrooke, not for a long time really. She remembered feeling a little like this when she first started hanging out with Lily, when it all made sense and she didn't have a care in the world because she knew they had each other. "You make me feel safe," she proclaimed with wonder. "I could never let you go," she heard herself say. "You and Henry, you're my family and you're my home. The Queen, she's a part of you too and I know that you are wanting to kill her, but I think it's time that we find a way to put her back where she belongs and then maybe…I dunno…maybe she will heal too. Maybe you and I can take this on together and she can be a part of you again and you won't hurt so much inside and then we can take on the darkness, whatever is coming for me, we can face it together."

Emma paused a beat to feel into what she wanted to say next, to make sure that she knew it was 100 percent what she wanted before she continued. "Then you won't have to be so alone and you won't need him anymore, you won't want him to be real…"

"But what about?" Regina questioned in return.

Emma steeled herself feeling for the first time that they would defeat all the challenges coming their way, together.

"I won't need him either," she didn't say Hook's name, he didn't belong in this moment. She relaxed her grip and moved back a step her eyes following Regina's arm as she guided it by her wrist until Regina's palm was flat against Emma's chest, she then held it there touching the skin above where her heart sat and she mirrored it with her own fingers coming to rest above where Regina's heart sat. She looked up finally making eye contact with Regina, her eyes shining with everything she was feeling and said once more with a renewed determination. "I won't need him, because I'll have myself and I'll have Henry and I'll have you."

A heartbreakingly beautiful smile broke on Regina's face as she stepped even closer bringing her forehead down to touch Emma's, never losing eye contact, taking in everything that had been said.

"I'd like that."

Emma smiled in return and then softly sung the line Regina had heard her sing earlier in the forest. "Someday my prince will come."

Regina drew back laughing unabashedly at the sky and pulling Emma in for another hug. "Idiot."

"Your idiot?" Emma smiled and asked hopefully.

"My idiot, always."


End file.
